Hola! Miss me? Miss me? Miss me? (I miss Sherlock so much)
So let me tell you what happened. Today,in my school bus,a girl (Lets call her..Susie?) had asked a certain person to bring the order of the phoenix as she had read goblet of fire and she said that she was loving it and needed to read the rest of the series.I,obviously got excited because:
a.SOMEONE WAS READING HARRY POTTER,OMG!!
b.I NEEDED TO FANGIRL RIGHT THERE AND THEN.(or then and there,whatever)
Me and my friends started asking questions about how she was finding the books,what characters she liked and what she was anticipating in the rest of the series,you know,just to make conversation. And dear god how it turned out.
Find it out yourself by reading this heartbreaking,disastrous,mind boggling and totally absurd conversation script which will make you want to bang Susie’s head against a wall and make her bleed to death.
*Sees Order of The Phoenix*
My Friend: *Trying to make conversation* If you’re thinking this book has anything to do with a Phoenix,you might be disappointed! But this is my favorite book in the series,you are going to love it so darn much!
Susie: Okay…But what’s a phoenix? Like a stone or something?
You see,from here I started getting suspicious because someone who has read chamber of secrets would KNOW what a phoenix is.
Me: err..Phoenix is a type of bird. Like Fawkes.
Susie: What is Fawkes?
Me: *WANTING TO STRANGLE SUSIE* You have read Chamber of Secrets right?
Susie: Yeah of course! Read till Goblet of Fire. Now I’m really excited to read Order of the Phoenix.
Me: *Boiling inside* Okay…Then why don’t you know who Fawkes is?
Susie : I must have forgotten.
How can someone read Harry Potter and FORGET Fawkes? Like heloo, do you have Amnesia?? I wasn’t buying it because :
a.You just don’t read Harry Potter,you consume it and you digest it.
b.Fawkes was important. No-one can just forget him.
c.Susie is an idiot.
So,We started asking Questions. (And I’m glad we did)
Me: Did you enjoy Goblet of Fire?
Susie: Yea,really loved it!
Me: Oh really? What happened in it? I don’t remember quite honestly (Or not quite honestly)
“So there were three games and Harry had to win the games. And there was this man with the…pirate eye...he was bad..because he practiced that curse on Neville in the class. Oh and in the end..Voldemort comes back when Harry visits that graveyard”
*Silence* *Silence* *Total Silence* *Dead Silence*
Me: ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME? THAT MAN WAS BARTY CROUCH JR DISGUISED AS ALASTOR MOODY. AND HE NEVER PRACTICED ANYTHING ON NEVILLE. HE WAS TEACHING ABOUT THE THREE UNFORGIVABLE CURSES AND EXPERIMENTED THEM ON A SPIDER. NEVILLE WAS JUST SHOCKED. Also..Harry doesn’t visit the graveyard-oh-I can’t even. Stop talking.
Friend: And there were not three games,there were three tasks. And you do know the name of the tournament right?
Susie: Um,I..don’t..remember. But I do know that it involved..dancing and dragons.
Me: *Calmly* Susie..You have read the books right? The entire book? Like all the pages?
Susie: Obviously! I’m not dumb.
Thoughts going on in my mind:
a.Should I kill her?
b.Or Should I..destroy her?
c.I’m going to destroy her.
Me: Who was Barty Crouch Jr?
Me: Who was Dobby?
Susie:…That weird creature….
Me: Who Is Argus Filch?
Me: What’s a squib?
Me: Who was Mrs. Norris?
Susie: A professor?
Me:(Because I’m the queen of sarcasm) Right,she taught transfiguration huh?
Me: Who’s Prof. McGonagall then?
Friend: (Because even he is sarcastic) Dumbledore’s wife right?
Susie: Right! Yes!
Me: If I had a wand right now,I would’t hesitate to say AVADA KEDAVRA.
Susie: I didn’t get that..
Me: Of course you didn’t.
Friend: Please answer this. What is Harry Potter’s house? Name all the houses.
*Literally preventing my hands to slap her face*
Friend: Because we can’t kill you. I’m going to give you spoilers.Dumbledore dies,Dobby dies,Sirius dies and-
Susie: Okay but who’s Sirius?
Susie: Oh wait,I know I know!!
Me: * Claps hands* Thank God!
Susie: Harry’s Father Right?
Friend: Give me back my book and go away.
P.S She had claimed in the beginning that she had watched all the movies.
Conclusion: Don’t mess with Potterheads. Don’t lie about reading a famous book just to look cool. And even if you do,stay away from us booknerds. We hate you.
Have you ever met a person like Susie? Did you laugh while reading this or wanted to kill Susie? Discuss with me in the comments section!! Love ya.