I met a Harry Potter “Fan” Today (Try not to kill yourself after reading this) #RIPHP

 

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Hola! Miss me? Miss me? Miss me? (I miss Sherlock so much)

So let me tell you what happened. Today,in my school bus,a girl (Lets call her..Susie?) had asked a certain person to bring the order of the phoenix as she had read goblet of fire and she said that she was loving it and needed to read the rest of the series.I,obviously got excited because:
a.SOMEONE WAS READING HARRY POTTER,OMG!!
b.I NEEDED TO FANGIRL RIGHT THERE AND THEN.(or then and there,whatever)
Me and my friends started asking questions about how she was finding the books,what characters she liked and what she was anticipating in the rest of the series,you know,just to make conversation. And dear god how it turned out.
Find it out yourself by reading this heartbreaking,disastrous,mind boggling and totally absurd conversation script which will make you want to bang Susie’s head against a wall and make her bleed to death.

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*Sees Order of The Phoenix*
My Friend: *Trying to make conversation* If you’re thinking this book has anything to do with a Phoenix,you might be disappointed! But this is my favorite book in the series,you are going to love it so darn much!
Susie: Okay…But what’s a phoenix? Like a stone or something?
You see,from here I started getting suspicious because someone who has read chamber of secrets would KNOW what a phoenix is.
Meerr..Phoenix is a type of bird. Like Fawkes.
Susie: What is Fawkes?

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Me: *WANTING TO STRANGLE SUSIE* You have read Chamber of Secrets right?
Susie: Yeah of course! Read till Goblet of Fire. Now I’m really excited to read Order of the Phoenix.
Me: *Boiling inside* Okay…Then why don’t you know who Fawkes is?
Susie : I must have forgotten.

How can someone read Harry Potter and FORGET Fawkes? Like heloo, do you have Amnesia?? I wasn’t buying it because :

a.You just don’t read Harry Potter,you consume it and you digest it.
b.Fawkes was important. No-one can just forget him.
c.Susie is an idiot.
So,We started asking Questions. (And I’m glad we did)
Me: Did you enjoy Goblet of Fire?
Susie: Yea,really loved it!
Me: Oh really? What happened in it? I don’t remember quite honestly (Or not quite honestly)
Susie: Oh,okay.

“So there were three games and Harry had to win the games. And there was this man with the…pirate eye...he was bad..because he practiced that curse on Neville in the class. Oh and in the end..Voldemort comes back when Harry visits that graveyard”

*Silence* *Silence* *Total Silence* *Dead Silence*
Me: ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME? THAT MAN WAS BARTY CROUCH JR DISGUISED AS ALASTOR MOODY. AND HE NEVER PRACTICED ANYTHING ON NEVILLE. HE WAS TEACHING ABOUT THE THREE UNFORGIVABLE CURSES AND EXPERIMENTED THEM ON A SPIDER. NEVILLE WAS JUST SHOCKED. Also..Harry doesn’t visit the graveyard-oh-I can’t even. Stop talking.
Friend: And there were not three games,there were three tasks. And you do know the name of the tournament right?

Susie: Um,I..don’t..remember. But I do know that it involved..dancing and dragons.

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Me: *Calmly* Susie..You have read the books right? The entire book? Like all the pages?
Susie: Obviously! I’m not dumb.

Thoughts going on in my mind:

a.Should I kill her?
b.Or Should I..destroy her?
c.I’m going to destroy her.
Me: Who was Barty Crouch Jr?
Susie:……
Me: Who was Dobby?

Susie:…That weird creature….

Me: Who Is Argus Filch?
Susie….
Me: What’s a squib?
Susie:…I..
Me: Who was Mrs. Norris?

Susie: A professor?

Not Sure if Crying Because Post is Actually Funny...

Me:(Because I’m the queen of sarcasm) Right,she taught transfiguration huh?
Susie: Exactly!
Me: Who’s Prof. McGonagall then?
Friend: (Because even he is sarcastic) Dumbledore’s wife right?
Susie: Right! Yes!
Me: If I had a wand right now,I would’t hesitate to say AVADA KEDAVRA.
Susie: I didn’t get that..
Me: Of course you didn’t.
Friend: Please answer this. What is Harry Potter’s house? Name all the houses.
Susie: I……………………
*Literally preventing my hands to slap her face*
Friend: Because we can’t kill you. I’m going to give you spoilers.Dumbledore dies,Dobby dies,Sirius dies and-
Susie: Okay but who’s Sirius?
Me: Bitc-
Susie: Oh wait,I know I know!!
Me: * Claps hands* Thank God!

Susie: Harry’s Father Right?

Friend: Give me back my book and go away.

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P.S She had claimed in the beginning that she had watched all the movies.

Conclusion: Don’t mess with Potterheads. Don’t lie about reading a famous book just to look cool. And even if you do,stay away from us booknerds. We hate you.

lets-talk

Have you ever met a person like Susie? Did you laugh while reading this or wanted to kill Susie? Discuss with me in the comments section!! Love ya.

-Anushka

 

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27 thoughts on “I met a Harry Potter “Fan” Today (Try not to kill yourself after reading this) #RIPHP

  1. I laughed so hard whilst reading this oh my godddddd. I don’t have a problem if people don’t know everything about a book, but I don’t get why they have to lie about reading something when they obviously happened? It makes the whole situation worse than you just admitting you haven’t read the book haha.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can’t breathe I’m laughing so much! But really, don’t say you’ve read Harry Potter if you haven’t.

    And you’re right, once you’ve read Harry Potter you become Harry Potter. It becomes a part of you, so how on earth can you forget anything about it! Anyway, us Potterheads sure are awesome 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Love this post, honestly I laughed the entire way through! I read Harry Potter when I was in elementary school and didn’t forget a thing so yeah someone who actually read Harry Potter would remember Fawkes! I don’t think I could have held my tongue as well as you I would have probably yelled more, haha! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I thought this was funny, but kinda feel bad for Susie…maybe she’s just not that bright? Or maybe she really likes you guys and wants to be part of your clique? I mean, I’ll be honest…I’ve read up to Order of the Phoenix but it’s been YEARS and I’m going to reread them all over so I can remember all the good stuff. Don’t jump in the pool if you don’t know how to swim, right?
    I mean, even I know who Fawkes and Dobby are. Pretty sad. I’d like to think the best of people and their intentions so I’m trying to figure hers out…lol.
    Have you talked to her since? Has she caught up? I’d love an update bc this was pretty funny. 😉

    Like

    1. Yes, I do realize that was what she was trying to do,to blend in with us but by lying. If she would have just said that she hasn’t really read it properly we wouldn’t have had this ridiculous and hilarious conversation!😹 Oh, yes. We are in the same school bus. After that incident,I told her to read the books or watch the movies not because it will make you look cool but because it’s wonderful and no one should miss it. I am glad you found it funny! And I hope you enjoy the series,I’m going to be rereading it in the winter break as well!❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, I hope she reads them bc I can’t wait to read the books. I saw the movies on tv bc hey I can’t miss a movie marathon and I was one of those who was older when Harry Potter came out (older even now lol) so I started with the movies and went to the books. I probably wouldn’t want to pretend anything when you’ve got real Potterheads right in front of you!
        I’m excited to sit back and reimmerse myself in Hogwarts (did she even know the name of the school? Lmao) and all the awesome Harry and Hermione (I do love Hermione) adventures.
        I won’t even read Fantastic Beasts or see the movie until I reread HP. I just can’t. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Though the awesome thing about Fantastic Beasts is that although it is set in the same world – you don’t have to know a single thing about Harry Potter et al, because the action all takes part in New York YEARS before Harry is born:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad you found this funny!! You are lucky that you’ve never met a. Person like her because the urge to just shout at them is pretty darn high when someone lies about being a fan of anything! How can people forget Hufflepuff! Cedric and Tonks are soo amazing!!

      Like

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